Saturday, May 24, 2008

Ready or Not

I was considering posting a review of Prince Caspian. Since this has so aptly been done by and Jeffery Overstreet, I will refrain.

Instead, I have spent some time running around the county post vacation to get ready for tomorrow morning. I am not ready, not physically anyway. I have so many things I have to round up and fit in a suitcase. This is just for the week but I keep forgetting that. The real challenge will be at the end of June when I go away for the month. But this next week will be wonderful, I feel that and know that. I am nervous though as I am before any wva event.

I can't wait. But for the first time, this will also be a sacrifice.I am missing things I long to be at to be at training next week. I am missing Matt's wedding for it in June. And I want to be there. I've wanted to be there since my second year at WVA and the year I couldn't go but cried when we picked up Hannah late because we missed Jeff's end of the week talk. It's where my heart was and I knew that. I suppose committing to anything just gets harder as time goes. Please pray that it all goes remarkably well. Flying seems to rattle my nerves but I am armed with Interred With Their Bones so it can't be all bad.

Thursday, May 15, 2008


This morning, I turned 19. Or I passed the mark that marks my living on earth nineteen years.

I forgot and spent my journaling time this morning writing frantic ideas for RA programing instead of contemplating on "19 years." Then Hannah sang with her harmonica and I laughed. The 40+ facebook comments wishing me happy and whole were also quite enjoyable to read and laugh over. The creation and function of facebook still surprises and delights me as with a new toy. People I have not seen or heard from in years left comments on my "wall" and gave me a door to pester them with questions of "how are you?" in various forms. Perhaps I complained about it this morning but I confess, I enjoyed it a lot.

The beach wind blows the sand like a desert, the salt of the water and wind coating everything. At night, when the nearly full moon rises, the low tide beach looks like the surface of Venus in a satellite picture. Another world. Perelandra in a fallen world.

I listened to the ocean sing while I read Watership Down and Pilgrim At Tinker Creek. The later has been at my side for a few months and I've found as I've gone that it has been a journey accompanied by another reader, one with a black pen held by an unsteady hand, underlining things most particularly pertaining to comments about science. I tended to underline things where she waxed eloquent and I saw things clearly and perfectly. It was interesting to contrast. I don't know the name of the previous owner, or at least, if the other name inscribed in the cover belongs to the black pen underliner. I wish I could have had the person beside me to actually ask questions of and talk about the process of reading it. It is slow going, rich and beautiful, not something to really take in on the first try. So often I feel as if I'm reading poetry instead of a piece of prose. I underline things in a bright blue pen when I can, steady and sure, marking whole paragraphs at times. I do not understand this type of writing and I love it to be quite honest.

19 doesn't really feel any different.

But I watch Tarzan just the same. Traditions are made to be kept.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Vacation (slow on the uptake)

Location: A beach, near Charlestown, SC, also near Hilton Head

I take a while to slow down and understand VACATION.

So Hannah and I both brought probably... 15 books between the two of us and were trying to read all of them before the end of the week. This is a bit of a stretch but a noble ambition. If we get anywhere near half way through then I will update you with names.

I love oceans and long beaches and walks in the dark that make it feel like another planet.

I had a long IM conversation with an old friend and it opened a floodgate of memories from the life in Athens, GA. Waiting for the train and imaging jumping on it, something with cardboard boxes, running around Awana and trying to talk to people and using Hannah has a spokesperson, the smell of soap in the summertime... I need to write these down! I sorted through a "keep-sake" that Mom started for me as a baby and it was crazy to remember some of the things. I think I'm a very visually and physically tied my memories, items and pictures unlock memories far more than even my journals have done. I found a yellow Awana bandana and remembered the time I bought it at the Olympics, not because it was our color (we were red), but because I liked it. I searched for it for the summer and camp.

Perhaps the thing is this... I have no idea how to make it through June looking at wva pictures. I can't wait to be with them all!

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Fire In The (Oven)

I was home less than twenty four hours when I encountered... me. Myself, my stupidity, in all its mortal glory. I cooked lunch (stuck Tesquitos into the oven for the kids) and when they came out smelling smokey I decided that it was time to send the oven through the cleaning cycle to get rid of the gunk that had built up on the oven floor. It had been doing its thing for about thirty minutes; I was at the computer, facebooking or some such worthless pursuit, when the kids started yelling. Since this isn't entirely unusual I didn't look up until it sounded more earnest and included words like "fire." I lept up and raced into the kitchen to find that there was a small fire/ large flame in the left corner of the oven, seen through the window on the door,smoke pouring out of the vent. I turned on the fan, turned off the cleaning function, and grabbed the fire extinguisher from under the sink (which Jen was clever enough to remember). Having never used it, I super powered ripped the pin out of its plastic binding, aimed, and told Gretchen to throw open the oven door.

And it wouldn't open.

So I stand their awkwardly looking at this flame and now realizing that I can't reach it to put it out. Since it wasn't getting out of control I called Mom before the fire department and had her assurance that it probably would just go out on its own so just keep an eye on it. Sure enough, five minutes later through the cooling cycle it had calmed down and gone out.

We laughed for quite a while though!


It was strange to be at church today. Pastor Dave was quite good so I was glad to listen to him and I was a little bit in awe of the group prayer we said. I found it beautiful and wish I had a copy. But I found myself lingering in the Sanctuary before making my way toward the auditorium. I saw friends and recognized that many faces were missing. It was just... strange. I went down by the creek to be by myself for a while and thought about church that was just starting at Calvary Baptist.

We gave Mom presents in the afternoon and promptly started watching them (the BBC and Masterpiece Theatre Sense and Sensibility) but took a break to go take naps. Then we went to Houllihans which was a lot of fun, amazing food, good times across the street. In all the years (almost 11) that I've lived in Hershey, I had never crossed the street in Downtown Hershey. A first for everything.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008


I choose salads in a very particular way. This way means that I do not envision the end, the great culmination of all flavors into a delicious aroma of vegetable and seasoning. I see each in their individual whole, their individual merit. I thought nothing of it the other night to say that I wanted parmesan cheese only to find that it was going to be placed over fried shrimp on a bed of iceburg lettuce. Why I then chose to put croutons and raisons on this concoction I have yet to figure out. But everything seemed good on its own.

This is why I like restaurants. They know how to make salads.


I visited Annie today during office hours. Since I came prepared I was declared "her favorite for the day." Since I was the first one there, I said that I was quite flattered. She has a globe. She brings her dog to her office and lets it run around with a dog gate put across the door. She keeps tests and scantrons in the cabinent with the face and bearing of a great grandfather clock. There were movies and books everywhere. It reminded me of the house of Merlin in The Once and Future King. The ceiling was high and she would not turn on an electric light.

I want an office with a clock for a cabinet.


I was on Old Main Lawn from 3pm to 6:20 with my Navs Bible Study, remembering the year and sharing our hearts and our stories, laughter and fear of the evil black catepillars. I would relive the afternoon all over again if I could. There couldn't be a better way of ending the semester and starting off next years friendships than what we did this afternoon. I walked back to my room on clouds.

I will miss them. All of them.

But probably my roommate, Sarah, most of all.


How do you load a truck full of furniture in the rain without going mad?


Looking forward to the summer, to Tea Times, to putting my water boiler to use, to color teams, to the best staff in the country, to students and conversations, to being way out of my depth and fully weak and watching what He decides to do next.

I final stroke of Promise.

Slow Progress

Expectations Change on the flip of a coin.

Yesterday was one of the most stressful and emotionally trying times of the entire semester, followed only by other experiences in the same class. I really can't imagine quite how things ended up the way they did, but I'm praying that today will see another change and that things will pan out quite nicely.

Finals weeks are the strangest things. I spent all of yesterday with friends (after the meltdown) with food and coffee. I spent the day before studying some. Sunday feels like twenty five years ago for all that I can remember about it. I've packed random things in random containers but have made very little actual, significant progress. Tomorrow will perhaps be better when I move out in the morning. Then I will have nothing left to think about but my two finals on Friday.

Two finals on Friday... how am I getting home again?

I have a long list of things I'm planning on doing for the time that I'm home. Several things of which I won't be doing because I will be flying to Oklahoma. Why? you may ask. For WVA staff training!

Amazement is mine. Seriously. I'm going home and the first thing that I will do is tear through my staff box that came in the mail!

Holding on to Phillipians 4:6-7

Thursday, May 01, 2008


I made my TA angry today. I think she thought that I liked anthropology (which I hate) and saw my teacher evaluations when I turned it in. My prof was offensive. Daily. And she was dull and spiritless. How was I supposed to love a false science under such conditions?

I know French just enough to be hopelessly confused by it.

Theatre class is the best class under the sun. And Annie is the best professor.

I'm buying a loft and futon.

I want to write a story.

I'm moving home soon! Soon! I can't wait to live in Hershey for a while!

I'll be with my Navs pretty much once a day for the next four days. Hurrah!

I ran into Mr. Lengerich by Panera which was strange but exciting because I started thinking about having Rachel (maybe) as a resident next year! Yay for my RA job and a Simmons dorm room!

I turn 19 in two weeks.

I go on vacation in South Carolina. And Prince Caspian hits theatres (or the fan). We'll see.

"This is my prayer for you: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and discernment." Phillipians 1:9