Tuesday, March 27, 2007

The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth; 5

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same, 10

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back. 15

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. 20

This is precicely how I feel right now. But I know not which path is the less travelled. The first verse and third are the ones that capture most my stuckedness feeling. I know, I know. Vocabulary is not one of my strong points.

Monday, March 26, 2007

"Hope Deferred"

I had not intended to leave this blog this many days unattended. But I have so we're moving on

Terrible test in jazz class today. I'm frustrated that my mind went blank and half the answers I couldn't remember. The concepts were there but the names weren't. That led to psych class which was as boring as ever. Then to a phone call at lunch from WVA saying I can't go to the New Hampshire camp as I had wished. This leaves me as confused about my summer as I ever was. Just watch.... I 'll hit this weekend, get some answers, and be as confused about college as ever. I'm frustrated that I can't make decisions that stay in place, that I can't get the answers I'm looking for and that I can't even have a part in a blasted musical that takes way more time than its worth.

Why am I more tired after weekends than before?

Edit: Woah. Head spinning! I should sit down. Oh wait... I am... I got the Mac Scholarship! My breath is taken away. And then I didn't get into Davidson. I'm majoy bummed. And then I hear from Calvin. They aren't giving me much. And then I can't work the ATL machine. All of this leads to the fact that I just about break down in tears trying to figure out how to analyse this stupid data.

What a day.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007


I saw a bumpersticker yesterday that had me thinking the whole way home:

"Annoy a conservative. Live like Jesus."

It made me think of Don Miller and things he has said before. I think there is truth in that, as Jesus has to be the most liberal of liberals in the way he came to fulfill the old order, put it to rest, and start anew. Any thoughts? Nope, I didn't think so. No one ever comments here.

You should!

Sunday, March 18, 2007


Between summer and snow and spring and ice, I'm rather enjoying this mad display of Weather.

The Ray house seems to be completely recovered from our virus which was vicious while it lasted. Spring break was not much of a break what with all the illnesses and absolutely NOTHING to do. This weekend offered a change of pace with the adventures of HDandS involved in middle of the street angels and attacks. Had some good times out there at 11pm. Saturday also came with some long desired time with the "older" girls over at the appartment of Madames Bailey and Mease. We broke out Loaded Questions which was as entertaining as a game gets. Today found us at the Coles madly whacking each other with a rolled up newspaper and a ridiculously brief game of 4 On A Couch. Kent hitting Hannah without turning around was classic as well as Jeremy falling over and Cindy yelling "Fred!" when someone came to hit her.

Nap time. I have more constructive things to say but sleep is tugging at me as well as three books I'm trying to finish reading.


Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Carnage Continued: Continued

Me this time. Joy oh joy. I now have a deep appreciation for the adjective "ravished" in relation to an illness wrecking a body. Oi, do I feel like a wrung towel. Mine isn't half as bad as the others were. Pray that the crackers stay down because I'm really hungry.

If I could convince you to read A Man Born to be King, I would. So. Go read it.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Carnage Continued

Well, we all thought it was done. Isaac was better and things were calm for 24 hours.

That was until Mom got crazy sick last night. She threw up a bunch and now Jen also feels ill. Hannah and I have sore throats. The three of us older ones went around with clorox and scrubbed anything that anyone has touched in the past few days. The house now smells aweful but at least a clean sort of aweful.

Please pray for us. That the virus would stop spreading and that those with it would get better.

Friday, March 09, 2007

Jeremiah 29:11

I declared to my small group last night:

"I'm pretty sure that I won't know where I'm going to school until April 31st, the last possible moment."

It was only three hours later that I realized that April only has 30 days.

(head hits hand)


Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Once Upon A Disgruntled Writer

Everything feels rather "inbetween" right now, as if I'm in that Wood Between the Worlds and wondering what land I'll find my feet planted in next. This causes a rather irritating miserableness which has no sufficient excuse or reason but exist anyway. Part of this is my irritation with co-op. I'm rather angry at it for not being what it was two years ago but of course it can't help that. If anything, it is the same and it is no longer enjoyable because of me. I remember Sarah and Chrissy expressing something of this in their senior years. I confess, I was angry with them. But here I am with the same disdain for something that I loved for so long.

The same has happened with Bible quizzing. The more I go through this year, the more I realize that I miss it more than I initially thought possible. If I was there, I would be frustrated but now that I'm not, the old, crazy memories are what stay dominant... the drives to and from Dallas, PA. Julie reading the fairy tale I brought, all in the dark with a flashlight, the grocery store trips, the questions and laughter at absurd answers... Remember the one about the lame man and where he was from? Remember how I got it right even though I had no idea what it was? What was it... Bethany or Jerusalem? Andy: "Well, if you really wanted to throw him off, one of you should go over and kiss him" And the time Trumble went to Chocolate World. (grin)

I also realized the other day that I am hardly involved in anything. No organizations, not even ministry class. I work quite a bit now and with the musical things are still busy. But the ammount seems so small. I also regret not taking some sort of year long english course. I could have at least tried to write something for Mrs. Bonfanti to look at weekly... something to keep me writing. I've been hopeless this school year in creating anything worth while. If I had assignments, I would do wonderfully. However, I took that joke of a course last semester and have hardly written anything. At all. Just mindless, journal stuff.

Inklings, can we start again? Soon? Before I become incapable of saying anything worth while?

Maybe, I should disconnect my computer from the internet. That would help me focus, I think.

Currently Reading: A Room of One's Own by Virginia Wolfe, Man Born to be King by Dorothy Sayers, and Dakota by Kathleen Norris. All very different. All somehow connected. How, I don't know. But all are recommended. Except the first since I'm only a chapter in.

Monday, March 05, 2007

If I were a... SAT scorer?

Well, the news is in. I was not accepted into the PSU Honors College. Disappointed? Yes. Devastated? No. I'm doing quite well actually. It is just a door closed and an arrow pointing the direction. The lab group was so kind about it. They immediatly started telling me all their college disappointment stories. Damian: "And look where we are today! ... er... Maybe that isn't so encouraging." :-)

Friday, March 02, 2007

Public Speaking

A curse or blessing? I treat it like a performance so it doesn't seem so terrible. I rather enjoyed myself today and all the questions I got afterwards. Can I major in speech? Probably not. It would be a fun minor though. Why is a required course but not a major?

I'm Mom this week. Not too bad especially since I borrowed some of her shirts. :-) I just have a hard time keeping on top of school, the kids school, the schedual, and purchasing gas all in a day. You should have seen the phone calls I had to make. I was literally on the phone for over an hour last night trying to figure out how to get Hannah and Gretch home. Maybe it would have been better to just go get them myself.

Weary and tired. Somedays I want nothing more than to move away. And days like today, home could not be any more welcome and lovely.

Go read Jasper Fforde. He makes me laugh. Who else would think of naming characters "Thursday Next"?